Teal… The Color of Gangrene.

If you found out today that you have 6 months to live would you lead your life in a different way? Would you speak differently? Act differently? Take that trip you’ve been talking about since 1992? Make peace with your lifelong enemy? Unfortunately, Mom can answer those questions now. We found out last week that she will likely have about 6 months, maybe a little more. Will she lead her life very differently? Doubt it. She’s done a pretty darn good job so far. Just look at the perfection she produced, namely Ben & me! JUST KIDDING!!! 😉 When she was first diagnosed in March 2017 she had just finished climbing a ladder for a few weeks straight (as a an unpaid volunteer) to assist in replacing roofs following a hurricane in Florida, USA, as she has done many times over the years. After her diagnosis, she lamented not being able to participate in the volunteer disaster relief work for a while. By “lamented” I mean Mom & Dad sat down made a list of all the things they have had the privilege of being a part of over the years concluding that they have been able to participate in well over 3 DOZEN life-altering experiences and mostly for the benefit of others. From Bethel service to seeing the wonders of Jehovah’s creation to helping with more building projects than we could count and meeting amazing friends along the way. Although her life is shorter than expected she will leave behind a legacy of a life well led. Some might say this sounds like a eulogy but I have never understood why we wait to talk about the good things a person has done until after they are gone.

Speaking from the perspective of those in the circle surrounding the affected person, a prognosis like this prompts you to consider things that frankly aren’t normal. For example, I’ve always had full confidence that God will accomplish his will of resurrecting his faithful servants.* (Acts 24:15) Never has it been so real that I daydream about it. In the last few weeks I have found myself imagining seeing Mom coming back to life in a Paradise on earth (Psalm 37:29) and it is so real that it’s bizarre, especially since she’s still alive!!! The harsh reality is we have to continuing living after Mom is gone and planning for that is strange. Simultaneously being unable to imagine the things people typically talk about is peculiar. For example, I can’t imagine not being able to pick up the phone and call Mom. At other times, a vivid imagination and reality strikes like a ton of bricks. When we were in the mountains I walked past an open window and heard mom’s signature laugh. Instantly I realized one day, in the not too distant future, it will be the last time I hear her laugh (for a while anyway). Later, I was looking at the calendar for the remainder of the year and suddenly became very aware that I will probably only be inviting Dad to the annual camping trip this year. These thoughts feel wrong… because they are! We were not created to experience these emotions. It is unnatural.
Speaking of how foreign this all is, here is a recent conversation between Mom & Dad:
Dad: I don’t know what to do.
Mom: I think you’re doing it… I don’t know what to do either. I’ve never died before. (DOFL)

How are we supposed to cope with and process these unnatural things? A friend shared a scripture with mom shortly after her diagnosis and it has kept her afloat for the last year. Isaiah 30:15b “…Your strength will be in keeping calm and showing trust.” One brother recently gave a talk at our hall about death and I admittedly zoned out for the majority of the talk because I couldn’t handle discussions of mortality 3 weeks in a row. But I came back to earth just in time to hear this illustration: When you are planning a vacation, you don’t want to go to sleep because the thrill of the vacation is intense. You may end up falling asleep but when you wake up, guess what? It’s vacation time! Facing an untimely end in this system is merely a nap and guess what? You get to wake up to an eternity of things so glorious we literally can’t even imagine! (1 Corinthians 2:9)
Death is real. So are Jehovah’s promises! Keep calm & show trust!

In the next few months, tears are sure to fall. When they are collected we hope the tears of laughter outweigh the tears of pain.

This photo is from our “Yay! Travis didn’t die. Aw! Luci’s going to die” (mom’s words) family party last week! (No, we didn’t plan the blue theme, but ironically it is mom’s favorite color!)

Okay, if Mom is reading this I’m probably “upsetting her cancerous ulcers” right about now and she’d quickly say “you ‘ol Doo Doooo” to break the stench of sadness in the air with a bit of laughter. FYI: this is an old family joke! In my grandma’s daycare there was a little boy who only knew “one bad word” and it was “you ‘ol doo dooo”. Since he suffered from a B.A. – that’s “Bethel” for Bad Attitude – he used it frequently. So, let’s talk PERKS! Apparently she actually will change the way she does some things and she’s pretty excited about them!
1. She won’t have to shop for new clothes. Ever! (Funny story: a week after she said this, she called me looking for a dress to buy for our Bethel trip!)
2. She won’t have to brush her teeth anymore. (Dad disagrees)
3. She can watch “R Rated” movies now! (She’s 100% kidding about this one, obviously)
4. She can eat whatever she wants! (She’s excited about being close to Duck Donuts, lol)

Speaking of a Bethel trip, mom has two things on her Bucket List: 1. Visit the new world headquarters in Warwick, NY and 2. Eat lobster in New England. Thanks to the JW “Make-a-Wish” program (not actually a thing) and a generous benefactor who has offered to cover the cost for mom & dad, we’re able to fulfill BOTH in one fell swoop! Hence the need for a new dress! 😉

As for the title, have you ever seen The Wedding Planner? When listing the sure-fire signs that a marriage will not last she included teal for the bridesmaids’ dresses as a nail in the marriage coffin. “Teal! The color of gangrene!” We often quote that anytime someone references the color. As it turns out, Teal wasn’t satisfied with only being described as the color of a tissue destroying infection. Teal demanded more! What Teal wants, Teal gets! So Teal also has the privilege to represent one of the least treatable cancers! Yay! *eyes rolling* I’ll allow it because from where I sit, ovarian cancer is as good as gangrene to me!

Finally, next time you see Mom, say “Ain’t No Dyin'” just like this sassy little chick says “Ain’t no Sorry!” https://youtu.be/ikqJaFzUGR0?t=26 and you’ll get the privilege of hearing a trademarked Luci Laugh. (side note: try watching the rest of that 1 minute video without wanting to break out a belt! SMH)

So, if you knew you had 6 months left in this life, what would you do differently? In some ways, shouldn’t we all live like that now? Make someone laugh. Don’t walk, skip. Eat the cheese. Take the trip. Say “I Love You”.

*If you would like to know more about the basis for our hope, ask any of the family and we’ll gladly share the resources that have bolstered our faith in this promise.